


T's and i's

by just_hal



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Boys In Love, Character Death, Declarations Of Love, Depressed Oikawa Tooru, Depression, Established Relationship, Goodbyes, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Letters, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Post-Canon, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Suicide Notes, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-06
Updated: 2020-01-06
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:07:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22141531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/just_hal/pseuds/just_hal
Summary: Oikawa needs to cross some t's and dot some i's before he leaves.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Kudos: 108





	T's and i's

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry is all I have to say.

How do I even start?

First of all, I really need to say sorry to you, Hajime. Although I'm fucking positive my apologies won't make any difference, you know? I'm sure you've had the exact same feeling as me at least a few times in your life. When you feel the need to apologize despite knowing it's never enough. That it could make things even worse. Feeling so helpless and miserable you're stuck on saying "sorry" over and over again, like a broken CD player, until it loses its whole meaning.

It's not my place to remind you (or maybe myself) of how our relationship went through the years. Damn well, you were always the one who remembered everything. I bet you still can describe our first meeting, our training and matches, our kisses in greatest details, you could make it a beautiful story, just like all those romance clichés no one is willing to admit they desire so badly in their own life, which would be worth hearing. You could make everyone jealous within a second, sun, and that'd be a piece of cake for you! Shoot, I always thought I was the one who had charisma, but little did I know.

We were just kids when we met. Carelessly playing in a sandbox together, climbing trees, watching clouds. You've never seen the same shapes in them as I did, but that was alright. I kind of enjoyed our little fights on that particular matter, though I still think I was right most of the time. You suck at seeing shapes in clouds. I don't know why I'm writing about this, I guess it makes me feel nostalgic, the good kind of nostalgic. Thinking back to the times when real problems basically didn't exist makes me smile.

Volleyball. I reckon it's the thing that entirely bonded you and me. If we were inseparable before, we became one the moment a ball flew between us the first time. A spiker and his setter (is it going to sound weird if I say that is kinda romantic?). The dream team. We were great players as individuals, no doubts, but together? Unstoppable. I simply didn't want to stop, not when I knew you were right there, on the same side of the net as me. You've never quite understood my passion for it, or, more like, "obsession", like you used to call it. You scolded me all the time, saying that I was overworking myself, and I just wanted to be better and better and better.

Although I have to say, I'm grateful for those times when you managed to drag me away from the court. Especially when it came to dates! Every single one was wonderful in my eyes and no one can convince me otherwise. Starting with awkward meetings at the cafés when neither of us knew if it was appropriate to take the other's hand or not, through longs walks at nights when we would confess our feelings and stress about our parents finding out we sneaked out again, ending with cuddling on the couch in pyjamas, stuffing our faces with popcorn, discussing, trying to prevent those stupid ass characters from dying but never succeeding. What were we even thinking, those were horrors after all!

And now? I'm writing whatever's on my mind, trying to steal more time than I was given. Than we were given. But everything comes to an end eventually and it's a really useful skill to just let it go and move on. Take that into mind, Iwaizumi. Let me go and move on. I'm probably pretty much dead and cold when you reach the end of this letter anyway.

God, I've never thought it'd be so hard to cross the final t and dot the last i of my story. I'm not crying, by the way. You are, dumbass. I love you.

Yours,  
Tooru


End file.
